Searching

Life.

Life is so full of.. well choices. I know that sounds so cliche but it’s true. I mean for instance if you would have talked to me about life six months ago I would have told you that I wanted to be a writer, I loved music but not enough to make it a career, and that being involved in church was the most important thing. If you were to ask me the same question today the miniature biography would sound like this: I want to major in music and psychology so I can help people through music therapy, I may travel with my band soon, and that right now I am searching for more meaning than just serving weekend after weekend in a local church. Ha, just typing that I can almost feel the judgmental thoughts. I turned twenty a few months back and while I definitely don’t think I know it all I feel like I have experienced a bit and I feel that I am aloud to have my say in some things. I am learning that certainty in a belief or faith cannot be taught. Well, it can be up to a point, but if one continues to believe only what he or she is told by an “authoritative figure” eventually they will be failed and they will give up the belief on account of that human being. I can attest to a similar situation. I have written before about my faith and how I am finally making it my own. But, I have so far to go before I have it figured out. Well, i doubt I will ever truly have it all figured out. It’s funny; if i wanted to, within weeks I could have everybody thinking that I am soooo right with God, and I am “planted” and “growing”. It’s just so easy to fool people into thinking what you want them to think. But I refuse to do that. It is so easy to get caught up in the robotic actions of “church”. *side note: when I say “church” I do not mean the pure form of missionary based groups of people who build each other up in spirit and truth. I mean the mundane acts of commitment to a cause rather than a commitment to Jesus. I’ll be the first to say that I am not perfect. I am still searching for the right way to live. I know that I believe in God. I believe that my God created the universe and loved me enough to send part of himself to die for me. He also loved me enough to leave part of himself to live inside of me as a guide. And lately I have felt that guide moving me differently. I have lots of friends with opposing views on Christianity. I have some who believe that we are and were predestined to Christ and we have no choice in the matter. also that some are not destined to have that call in their life. ..woo that one is hard to swallow. I also have friends and family who believe that a true relationship with God is to “experience the Spirit” all the time, that the experience of prophecy, and speaking in tongues, etc is what following Christ is all about. And the funny part of it is these “factions” of friends and family totally think the other one is wrong. I sit back and watch this from the outside looking wondering how this is not absolutely absurd that the people inside the faith i believe can’t even agree on the word that we believe is straight from the mouth of God. It truly doesn’t make sense. Now I have my own stands on these issues but that’s a whole other blog. Anyway I say all this to say that as I am searching for my own foundations in the word and with strong friends, and it drives me nuts how close minded people are. They think that God sent this revelation that totally contradicts their neighbors so the neighbor is obviously wrong. Wake up! You thought that up. You interpreted something differently, then you completely put out of your mind the parts that someone else interpreted. God did not make His word hard to understand. I think it’s beautiful when someone meditates on words and finds a great new thought and shares it. I think God planned that. But to take your interpretation as gospel is dangerous. I don’t know… haha remember I’m just a baby still. But I do know two things. God doesn’t like conflict over His word, and there is no way God enjoys seeing robotic church members serving because they feel like someone is watching. I serve Jesus. Not man.