New Year, New chances.

For the past hour I have been laying in my bed, laptop in lap, trying to type out my list of resolutions, big goals, small goals, the normal stuff for the new year. I have been racking my brain in an attempt to create this list of things to change about myself and things to accomplish. I really want to just take a bucket of paint and cover my bedroom walls with the things in life that actually matter. The things I want to remember everyday. Things like caring for others, showing this world that hope exists, being a blessing rather than growing fat with knowledge and never doing a thing with it. The band “As Tall As Lions” say it well with the lyric “It’s better to die on your feet than to live down on your knees.” I am feeling heavy right now with all of these thoughts. I mean who in the hell do I think I am? I am so inconsistent. One day I decide thatt I am going to change the world and three months later I find myself standing in the exact same spot. I want to be someone that changes lives everyday. I want to change lives for something [someOne] much greater than myself. I say that and yet I haven’t sat and talked with my creator in quite sometime. I know so much about theology and my faith, but I am not pressing in to my creator in the least bit right now. it’s truly pathetic. I love my God, but I often doubt His existence. I talk about God and my strong beliefs and convictions all the time, but my conversations with Him have recently been few and far between. I say all of this to show that I am going through these things but I am changing. God is moving strong in my life everyday. It’s amazing to see Him work even when I am far from Him in my own mind. Because no matter where I place myself in relation to the Holy Spirit there is Nothing i can do to separate myself from Him. It’s amazing to me how big God is. I am learning that relying on the ideas of man is virtually useless because no matter how educational or beneficial they seem they are ultimately a man’s thought. However, One thing that always rings true no matter how you say it is the word of God. I am continually blown away by how God’s word effects me. I could go on-and-on about it. but for now I have got to sleep. it’s darn near 3A. crazy.

P.S. I apologize for the jumbled thoughts I have just typed. This is the first blog. more like a middle school journal entree. The blogs can only get better from here. Goodnight